“Being in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict is like being on a train. You know there’s going to be a train wreck soon. So you have  three choices. You can a) stay on the train, b) stand in front of the train and try to stop it to no avail, or c) get off the train and stand near the tracks.”

A very wise and beloved woman painted this great word picture for me about 2.5 years ago when I was still very much on the train, or sometimes standing in front of it screaming and crying.

Since I was about four years old, I’ve watched drug addiction and alcoholism wreck lives, dreams, and hearts all around me. I’ve watched the addicts and alcoholics I’ve loved hurt people’s feelings, lose jobs, abuse people, end valuable relationships, leave their children . . . break my heart. But worst of all, I’ve watched them kill themselves. Slowly. Painfully.

Who would want to live that kind of life? Who, in his RIGHT MIND, would leave a child unsupervised and allow them to be put in harm’s way? Who, in his RIGHT MIND, would give up the best job he’s ever had? Who, in his RIGHT MIND, would tell me to my face that, yes, Mary Jane matters more to me than you do?

The answer is NO ONE would do those things. No one in his right mind. Only someone with the disease of alcoholism or addiction.

And that crushes my soul.

In the past few years, I’ve watched a few trains wreck around me, derail, and destroy everything around them.

But I’m watching from the tracks now. Or perhaps a wheat field far so far away that I can barely hear the sounds of the crashes. But I’m waving goodbye. And usually with tears streaming down my face. Silently.