Tonight I was driving home after a very long day.
It wasn’t just today. It’s been a long few weeks. A long few months. A long year. Maybe a long decade and a half, let’s be honest.
Most of the time, I strive for optimism. Gratitude. Positivity. Polly Anna-ish-ness. Today I wasn’t feeling it. Today I was feeling worn out. I was feeling done. Spent. Tired. Tired of pretending like everything was going to be okay. Tired of hoping everything would be okay. Tired of believing against all odds that everything would be okay.
I stopped by the store, after this very draining day that didn’t go as planned, and bought a bottle of wine and headed home. I expected to sit at home and drink it–maybe not all of it (chuckling to self as I write this)–and perhaps feel a little sorry for myself. Listen to music. Or sit on my porch and watch the horses across the street in the field. Just be alone, be quiet, and let myself be. I just needed to forget all the stress surrounding me–finances, family mess, recent heartaches, work stuff–and just breathe. Be alone, and breathe.
God had other plans, and better ones. When I got home, my friends were there. Mowing my lawn. Their cute kids were watching a movie in my den and begging me to come watch it with them. After unwinding a little bit with their mom/my college pal, I did. Just what the Doctor ordered.
Funny how He knows what I need when I don’t. And provides it.
I may be too tired to acknowledge it with feelings to match right now, but I know somewhere inside of me that He will heal everything. And He will make everything okay. How do I know that? Because it’s who He is. It’s what He does. It’s what He’s always done for me. Every single time.