The waiting

Someone who used to know me very well compared me once to a woman in a song who chased cannonballs. Those of you who’ve known me for very many years might smile in agreement. I spent a lot of years recklessly doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it the way I wanted to do it. Sometimes I prayed beforehand. Sometimes I didn’t. The results often left me with battle wounds. And scars.

The past few years have been different for me. The past several months especially. I’ve learned that there’s a delicate balance between trusting God–something I did not do at all–believing He’s going to bring about what’s really best for me in the end, that He sees ahead, and listening to the still, small voice before moving… and knowing when to just step out in faith and make a move. For years, I had the “make a move” part down. Making a move wasn’t the problem for me. But trusting? No. Listening? Not easy for me. Not willing to do that for very long. Waiting?

My whole life, I’ve not wanted to wait on God. I’ve wanted to just move. I’ve wanted to do something. Go somewhere. Even if it meant regretting it later.

God has proven to me that He is crazy about me. I can’t even explain how long, how diligently, and how many ways He’s pursued me. I’ve shared some of this in my previous blog posts, but some of it will remain between the two of us–me and Him. I’ll just say that I have no doubt that I can trust Him.

With that comes freedom for me to sit here. Listen. And honestly, I don’t mind waiting.

Lamentations has always been my favorite book of the Bible. But in chapter 3, it references that it’s good to wait on the Lord, to sit in silence and wait on Him. That part always baffled me–I mean for years. I would literally ask Him, “WHAT does that mean? What are You talking about here?” Silence. I couldn’t understand. I wasn’t ready to get that. I wasn’t ready to wait.

Someone I love shared a song with me recently. It reminded me of how I feel about all of this waiting–on so many things that will go unwritten–and how grateful I am to be in a place in my life when the waiting isn’t the hardest part anymore.

“Patience” by Mark Sandman, performed by Redbird

I spent all day yesterday watchin the grass grow
What I learned is: the grass really grows slow
Now that I know, there’s a reason for me to stay
I wanna wish I never heard you say,

“Have patience, everything will be alright
Have patience, give it just a little time
Everything will be alright.”

I’ve spent half my afternoon sittin at a stop sign
Thinkin about how good you look, even when you’re lyin
Then I lost my car in a parking lot
I bought a newspaper and I decided to walk

You said, “Have patience, everything will be alright,
Have patience, give it just a little time
Everything will be alright.”

I’ve spent all day long just listenin to the doorbell ring
Must’ve been a Sunday, I could hear the choir sing
Down in the graveyard they’re listenin to the underground
They’re the only ones that ever learned to calm down

Patience, everything will be alright
Have patience, it’s really such a beautiful life
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s