The song “Maybe There’s a Loving God” by Sara Groves has sort of become my anthem or life’s theme song. The first time I heard it, I thought perhaps God inspired it to be written just for me. It fits my life’s story and tells of the way–through pain, analyzing, and doubt which seemed insurmountable at times–I found God.
I didn’t just find Him. I found Him to be more than everyone promised me. I found Him to be more loving than I imagined was possible. I found Him to take my breath away. Over and over again.
This morning, I woke up and remembered Isaiah 60. I unzipped the cover of my Bible and read the chapter before getting out of bed to grind coffee beans and start my day.
”The sun will no more be your light by day,
nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
for the LORD will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory.” –Isaiah 60:19
Later as I pulled up this song on YouTube (ordered the CD last week!), I reflected on all the times He has blown away my expectations and pierced through the darkness just for me.
“Wow. It’s amazing that You love me that much.”
“But I always have,” He replied.
Then I recalled the worst times in my life, the times when I felt completely separated from His love and abandoned by Him. I particularly remembered a night when I was 16 years old and feeling like the entire world had caved in around me, and I was standing in the coldest and most isolated place on earth. And He was nowhere to be found.
So I stopped caring–about everything, but mostly Him. If He was just like my father, and just like all the other people in the world who promise not to leave and then leave, why should I care?
But He kept coming after me. And He found me–the 1 of the 100 sheep who was stuck and crying–and showed Himself to me.
And He’s done it again. Over and over again for me.
I used to think maybe there is a loving God.